By Tautahi Subritzky
“Where should we go for dinner?” An age-old question from a time when more than one restaurant existed. It’s a question that has divided couples, friends and family who have had to choose from the plethora of dining options available (très stress-y). Sushi and donburi, pizza and pasta, steak and chips? The options are endless, and of course, we’re here to help or should we say hair to help?
It shouldn’t be that difficult to make your dining decision, all you need to do is look in the mirror. From short shaggy do’s to long and layered locks, we’ve compiled a list of Auckland's eateries and restaurants curated to reflect the kind of person you are based solely on your hairstyle.
THE SHORT SHAG
Let’s face it, we can pretty much bet that you’re probably not the kind of person who likes to fit in. Desperate to find an alternative hairstyle to the masses, you’ve gone to your stylist with a reference photo that perfectly expresses your individuality after hours of scrolling Pinterest (FYI, they’ve seen that exact pic many times before) and you come out with a short Shag.
You’re a creative type who loves to shop vintage, works in a job that somehow brings art, music and the community together and you’re really trying to quit vaping. You’re definitely a gig-going girlie who, after a few glasses of red and a ciggie you bummed off a friend, because you don’t smoke anymore, can be found head banging that Shag at Whammy bar to an up-and-coming band that only you and a select few know about.
When it comes to dining you prefer something as equally as alternative as you.
Acho’s - Karangahape Road
A definite ‘alt’ girl go-to. The food is delicious and make sure to try the sake offering.
Parade - Ponsonby
Who doesn’t love burgers and a beer? Or maybe just a burger if you’re nursing a hangover.
Candela - Karangahape Road
If you want something a little more fancy.
Denny’s - Auckland
For one of those nights.
LONG HAIR GIRL
You’re the one making a booking with your hairstylist for “just a trim”. After saying farewell to a millimetre off of your tresses, you’re ready to show off your new look to all of your Instagram followers, probably in the form of a ring-light-lit bathroom selfie at home.
Your IG bio reads ‘lifestyle influencer’, no one really knows what that means tbh, but if we were to look at your socials it has something to do with a banal storage box discovery you made at Kmart, the circuit you ran at 6 am this morning and multiple photos of green smoothies.
You love to dine in the most aesthetically pleasing of restaurants, and you’re sure to add location to all of your dining spot posts. Who knows when a #sponsored opportunity could come about?
The Sugar Club
Gram-worthy views and a #boujee bite.
The menu combines Nikkei flavours (a fusion of Japanese and Peruvian cuisines) with Tokyo-style dishes. #stunning
Depending on which side of the bridge you live on, Ramen Takara is worth a visit. Most people know the Ponsonby establishment but if you find yourself shore-side, try the OG in Browns Bay.
Caluzzi Bar and Cabaret
Dinner and a drag show? What’s not to love? Be prepared for an interactive/content-providing dining experience.
The Lob Girl and the Long Hair Girl are definitely friends who go to brunch together in a uniform of Lululemon leggings, oversized sweatshirts and designer sunglasses. The Lob girl is just slightly more fashion-forward because her leggings are black.
If you’re a Lob girl you probably decided to get the chop after seeing how good Kim Kardashian, Hailey Baldwin, Emily Ratajkowski and Bella Hadid looked with one. You probably work in advertising or marketing and definitely own a V.W. Golf with a faded Les Mills bumper sticker on it because everyone needs to know you’re that O.G. Bodypump princess.
You absolutely don’t shy away from social gatherings and prefer a bar over a club, which everyone is aware of because of the number of times you’ve used the caption about last night on a photo of you and your girlfriends holding cocktails. You’ve tried the vegan thing a couple of times but inevitably settled on Flexitarian because you got sick of eating just olives at the product launches you get invited to.
Hotel Ponsonby - Ponsonby
Your girlfriends have definitely had a few coconut margaritas here.
Lilian - Grey Lynn
A popular Italian-inspired local. Definitely book ahead.
Cafe Hanoi - Britomart
A selection of Vietnamese dishes served in a chic setting.
Madame George - Karangahape Rd
A warm and welcoming Peruvian-style restaurant and bar.
MEDIUM LENGTH WITH CURTAIN BANGS
You probably live coastal or somewhere near a bush. Your curtain bangs radiate a vintage vibe with a bohemian attitude. You love bush walks and bircher muesli and you really wanted a hobby so you’ve just joined a ceramics class. You love to support local and with Farro being an hour's drive away, you only go there for the essentials, like truffle oil. You do however grow your own vegetables, which you definitely pickle and gift to friends on occasion.
You’re the type of person who loves a glass of Pét-nat to accompany your green goddess salad, we love a balanced queen! Speaking of food and drink, you’re really into the farm-to-table thing and get a slight buzz when the server tells you where the ingredients are sourced from. Who wouldn't be impressed by locally grown potatoes?
Ortolana - Britomart
A small and relaxed bistro that specialises in using the best seasonal and local produce from its own garden as well as other local growers.
Pasture - Parnell
An intimate dining experience (there are only 7 seats). Pasture delivers a rare Auckland dining experience.
Depot - Auckland CBD
The menu is designed to share, with a focus on in-season ingredients.
The Butcher Baker - Helensville
A destination ‘farm to table’ style eatery.
You live life in the luxe lane and have a wardrobe full of garments in a shade-scale of beige, cream and white. Your go-to piece of jewellery is a fine gold chain that could easily have come from Tiffany & Co. as much as it could from Michael Hill The Jeweller, which you team with a cashmere knit and jeans you bought on sale at Adorno. You were definitely the Long Hair Girl in a past life but you're not that girl anymore, you’re rich.
You’ve definitely been invited to a few bubbles and botox parties in your lifetime and you can totally afford to take it to the next level when it comes to your hair, so why not invest where it matters most? On extensions. Chucking it on the Amex comes naturally to you and that’s why you make the best lunch/dinner date. You’re definitely into the finer things in life and your dining experience is no exception.
Soul Bar & Bistro - Auckland Viaduct
Put on those Louboutins and make your way to this Viaduct establishment.
Sid at The French Cafe - Eden Terrace
Masu - Auckland CBD
Indulge your taste buds in this Japanese robata-style restaurant.
Ahi - Commercial Bay
A fine dining experience that still has an air of casualness. The service is outstanding. The oysters are a must. The steak is to die for.
THE BLUNT BOB
Blunt Bob girls are like the human version of a loafer; they’re conventional and definitely work in the corporate world. You’re a “9-5’er” who can only make after-hours appointments with your hairstylist because you’re having a hectic time writing that proposal and you probably need the wifi password on arrival to shoot off a couple of last-minute emails while you’re OOO (out of office).
When things have finally calmed down and you can actually unplug and think about where to make your dinner reservation, you’re all about efficiency. You’ve definitely already googled the menu and decided on both your entrée and main and you’ll say yes when the waiter asks you if you’d like to see the dessert menu. You’ve worked hard and deserve a little treat.
Kol - Ponsonby
Modern dishes with an Indian influence. Spice up your life.
Federal Delicatessen - Auckland CBD
If you’re wanting something a little more casual. Try the Poutine.
Inca - Ponsonby / Newmarket
Inspired by South American street food.
Romulus and Remus - Grey Lynn
Casual Italian eating in the heart of Grey Lynn. There’s also a separate vegetarian menu if you’re so inclined.